and i'm grateful for the fact that after such a difficult week today has been ok. yes we've had our own turmoil here at home with our son lance. 2 meltdowns in one week leaves the rest of the family emotionally drained and exhausted. we've been watching his anxieties build now since before christmas, we knew we needed to keep things calm and still but even for our family the past 2 months have been far from that. there have been some very serious issues that have caused this family and in particular myself a great deal of emotional unrest and angst.
to be quite honest the past 2 months have been quite unsettling and somewhat disturbing to say the least. there were days i was in tears, days i stayed in bed, days i just wanted to stop this planet and get off but with a wonderful group of friends and my family, i managed to get through that pretty dark time. no i'm not sick or anything like that, however i was put in the middle of a firing line with me being the target and found myself needing advice and help due to circumstances that were completely out of my control. that left me completely bewildered and totally baffled that anyone could do something like that. however with my family by my side, wonderful friends there as well, i'm ok...and i know that everything else will be ok.
so you can imagine the high levels of anxieties running through the home and with that and lance's already fairly full tank pretty much every day the stress, sensory overload and difficulties got too much for him and he crashed and burnt twice. monday night was the first and we had to tiptoe on egg shells and then sedate him because he was just completely out of sorts and very unstable then thursday night after another tough day, another mouthful of threats, another day of tiptoeing on eggshells lance got to his wits end and put his hand through one of our glass doors.
why do i blog about things like this....this is my journal, my therapy and my way of raising awareness on autism spectrum disorders. there is nothing easy about someone having an asd, there is nothing 'normal' about someone having an asd, there are days where it is bad, then there are days that are even worse, there are times that even as a parent having a child (or 3) on the spectrum is the most challenging and difficult situation to ever be in. there is nothing 'normal' about asd's and i have many parents/carers/individuals that are impacted by autism spectrum disorders that follow my blog and know first hand what i'm saying and even though lance is 19...it does not get better as they get older.
damage done...lance won...door lost, completely smashed to pieces and lance ended up in the emergency room after he had calmed down and it was safe to deal with him. as things were still quite unsettling i spoke to the triage nurse and asked if he could check the wound and see if it needed stitches, that in light of the circumstances that if we had to wait for any length of time we would not cope...he said it was possible, keep it clean and gave me steri strips to pop on. we came home and well it really did need to be stitched we've kept it clean but it has bleed a bit although that's good news as the blood supply is fresh and getting to the wound but it should have had stitches to keep the skin flap intact.
on a more positive note i was going to apply for a job. a casual photographers position with bendigo magazine. i've not worked since before lance was born so almost 20 years, i'm not an academic and i've never even put together a resume. but one of my friends brought this job to my attention and thought i was good enough to apply. so i started on my resume and pretty much had it done. i was still umming and arrring about it come thursday and then when lance had his 2nd meltdown for the week i realised that looking for work and if successful actually having a job was not for me just yet...nope sadly and just for now, it really is the wrong timing.
for any parent/carer out there and for those that may not have ever thought about this....i've sacrificed everything for my children and even more. because i am their full time carer and no i don't mean that i'm their mum...i am also officially their full time carer because 3 of them have a disability and i'm recognised as a carer to them by government departments...hubby and i can't do the things we dreamed off for our children, we've had to put so much of that on hold and now with no income and very little $$$ each fortnight it is extremely difficult. imagine not being able to always feed your children from day to day because the bills that keep coming in every fortnight apparently have to be paid too and with all the utilities rising quite a bit...that means only one thing...sacrificing even more....our income doesn't go up we get no more $$$ when the utilities go up to be able to pay for the increase so once again we sacrifice even more. oh and don't forget all the medical expenses...yep still enough of those. so although it may seem like i'm complaining, i'm really just trying to let people know that being a parent and carer to people with a disability is quite a challenge in many ways. it simply takes both tim and i to care for these kids and our eldest son requires most of our attention...that in itself is incredibly exhausting.
ok 'nuf of those ramblings...today i was inspired by looking through some beautiful blogs that are just full of inspiration for the home...if only i had the time...if only we had the $$$...if only i had help...oh wouldn't it be bliss... i want to do so much in our house and the list is growing longer everyday. it's desperate to be painted, the ceilings are actually peeling in the kitchen/dining and lounge area. the floors are falling to pieces and the carpet simply has to go. we need to pull all the carpet up we laid 12 years ago as it's just yuk and no matter how much carpet cleaning is done it's time for it to go. the shower glass is all broken, sink cabinet is rotting through, the floor tiles in the bathroom, toilet and laundry are mostly lifted and broken, the pantry door is in pieces, most of the internal doors need to be replaced again as through meltdowns many of them have holes and no longer close properly. front door and back door are literally just hanging in their with repair after repair and the back door has had to have temporary boards put on it as in another meltdown that door was taken out completely...once again door lost and lance broke his hand.
the list goes on and on and sadly i have to face reality...most things won't get done but still there is inspiration and that's what keeps me going when i feel the house is falling down around us and the fact that i try to keep it as homely as one can. ok better get some links to some blogs so you can see why i feel so inspired and drooling big time with the very first link here fiona and twig then there is tarnished and tattered and then my desert cottage oh how i ♥ these and what i saw today.
pics for the day...yep in amongst it all i took a few quick photos today and here they are...
look at that little cutie pie above, she is absolutely gorgeous and we think we are keeping her. yesterday grace found her on a walk around the block, problem is kitty kept following her, all of maybe 4-6 weeks old and didn't seem to have any other place to go. we suspected where she came from and asked grace to take her back. 1st try...cars in driveway, doors open, knocked plenty and loudly and then still no answer...cat comes back after more loving and once again realising that this cat just like the last one (tilly) was in a pretty bad state...skin and bone and starved. so 2nd try...take her back up there, cars in driveway, doors open, knocked loudly and nothing, so she was put inside the door. thought that was that and all was well until i had to take one of the kids friends home at about 10.45pm when i needed to call tim out to help me with the gps (another story for another time...lol). as i was just about to reverse the car tim told me not to go anywhere and after questioning why, he bent down and picked up that beautiful kitten that had been tossed back aside to fend for itself and managed to find her way back to us. i can't believe people can be so heartless and so very cruel. so that did it for me i was down right cross and she wasn't going back. the poor thing has settled in well and loves us all and in light of her ordeals she is cuddly as anything the only downside at the moment is she had fleas as well and plenty of them. so we've bathed here twice with flea shampoo, and pulled fleas out galore. she will continue with the daily flea baths and combings until i am satisfied they are all gone. thankfully she hasn't really been close to the other animals and we've also sprayed and cleaned any bedding that she may have come in contact with. the other animals will be bathed and kept an eye on for any flea manifestations but i'm doubtful they will have them....we keep our animals clean and protected from those hideous things.
anyhoo think that'll do for tonight...this ramble is a long one...lol, ok take care, hugs chris xoxo
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