Shabby Miss Jenn

Sunday, 30 May 2010

what a week...

yes it has been one incredible week, both good and bad, both positive and negative but tonight as i sit here blogging, putting my thoughts down and out there for all the world to read....i realise i am grateful for so many things.

despite the fact that for most of this week we've been without a car as repair after repair was dealt with at our mechanics to get it back up and running, that without the car i could not get anywhere that i needed to go without the help of someone else to take me, that for four days it pretty much sat at the mechanics having so much done to it that even i didn't know if at the end of this time we would have a car or not and the fact that i seemed fairly stressed out because of it...what i am grateful for is this
  • no one had any appointments to get to this particular week
  • although lance does righteous pups 3 times a week he was ok with the fact we could not get there for 2 of those times while the car was being attended too
  • steph's paediatrician's appointment with Dr Ken Armstrong was rescheduled till this coming week because he was urgently called away
  • my good friend trish offered to help in anyway we needed and we took her up on that with getting kids to and fro school and to the shops as i needed
  • and although i don't want to go through that again in any hurry that we managed and we survived
what else am i grateful for...that as i "celebrated" my 43rd birthday yesterday (Saturday 29th of May) that my children coped and we got through the day without any drama's. see for us having children who have special needs....getting through a day such as a birthday without any meltdowns, without any difficulties, without any major issues even if it means we do nothing "special", even if it means we don't have any other family over, even if it means dining out in front of the tv with take away, junk food and soft drink and everyone is happy and coping....that is a day worth remembering and that is a day worth celebrating and i am very content and very happy!

so yes yesterday i turned can you believe that and of course my kids now consider me an "old fart" and i'm ok with that. i did get spoilt with pressies too. a canon ef 50mm f/1.8 II camera lens for my canon dslr, 100ml bottle of mariah carey luscious pink perfume, and a dining table and chairs.

because we rarely use our huge dining table and chairs and the fact that it takes up so much room in the dining area we decided to downsize and pick up a really nice 4 seater (big enough for 6 if needed) dining table and chairs and outdoor proof the larger one. once done it will look fantastic outside in the outdoor dining area and i can't wait to get everything done and sorted and really do up our dining area and kitchen nicely...oh and not too mention the eating area outdoors.

there is also some really exciting news i want to share with you but i am keeping that hush hush just for now. all i can say is i have been incredibly overwhelmed with the fact that i have been approached to take on this role and although it's somewhat daunting it's also an incredible opportunity and a once in a lifetime experience, but i've said too much already and before i give it all away i'll zip my lips and leave it till i can actually tell you all what it is.

so for now i'm done, yep another post, another update and another week that has flown by once again without it's difficulties but through it all there is a glimmer of hope and sometimes that glimmer is a little brighter. today that glimmer and that hope is brighter then it's been for sometime and i am very grateful for that!!!

hugs chris xoxo

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

ho deedum......

life is good! seriously......can you tell just by those first few words i'm being sarcastic? thought so!!! anyhoo life is battling on taking us with it, jumping the hurdles, dodging the darts, crawling over the speed humps and wondering why the good luck (just like the rain) has bypassed us in every direction. can one family have so much bad luck that it just becomes a part of life.....seriously???

nothing really seems to go right for us and although i might sound like a broken record it seems so very true. take our car for starters, we can't afford a new one and all we've had since the day it was purchased for us (yes that's right purchased for us because we didn't buy it) we have had nothing but more trouble with it then it's worth. it has cost us soooo much in $$$$$$ and it's now official that in less then 4 years (the time we have had it for), we have paid out more in parts, labour and repairs then it cost to purchase the thing in the first place. of course the first thing most people ask is can we afford a new one.....simply put no. next question that is asked is can we take it out against the mortgage.....simply put no and simply put once this car dies completely on us we will be walking everywhere as my children (particularly the 3 that have autism) can't cope with public transport nor able to use it without support and help.

what this family needs is a miracle and some much needed good luck to come our way just for once. it would be nice if someone could just say we are able to give you a hand up and get your feet back on the ground sound and firm. it would be nice if i could just yell and scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone how bad things are and someone would just hear and say it's ok chris and just say "we get it". so today and for the past lot of days i haven't traveled so well. in fact it's been like that for a long time and with each difficulty that has come our way, for each bad day, for each person that doesn't get it, for each hellish moment on this earth more layers are added to our already full load. it not only takes its toll on us as a family but it takes its toll on us as individuals already swimming in an ocean of sharks just waiting for that rescue boat to come pick us up that seems so very far away and while we wait for it, we slowly sink.

what am i thankful for? my husband who is still by my side after 24 years, my kids who despite the difficulties they endure daily still make my heart melt and put a smile on my dial, wonderful online friends, my god who is greater then all this and for the opportunity to be able to watch the big bang theory anytime i choose and loving every minute of it because this family can sooooo relate to all of it of course without the nerd/geeky genius scientists these guys characters play so very well in the land of autism/asperger's syndrome with the lack of social skills, the daily routine and structure, friendship struggles oh and the list goes on and on and on....gotta luv it all!!!

what else am i grateful for? the ability to vent via my blog and i'm not apologising for any of it. you know the saying that says if you don't like me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best....put mildly that is so true. so to all you parents and carers of loved ones out there, for all your frustrations with the "systems" that simply don't work, for all the bureaucratic garbage we go through daily I say this post's for you because seriously....i get it and i always have and i always will and with that last note i'm signing off till next time. take care and remember i'm thinking of you and your family and feeling your pain with each step you take complete with struggles, frustrations and pain. hugs and ciao xoxo

Sunday, 16 May 2010

oh dear....

i don't really know what to say because my blogging updates are no where near as often as i would like. i have to say it has really been a struggle to feel like i want to do anything....well want to do anything that involves something for myself. all i seem to do is something for everyone else and at the end of every day simply fall into a heap....a little depressed!

i had a few little "thought i could manage" plans for this year....nothing extreme but it seems like any hobby of mine pretty much has come to an end because i simply have no time to do them at the moment and then being pretty exhausted both physically and mentally at the end of the day lack motivation that goes with it.....and i miss it terribly so.

hours increased at righteous pups for lance by 3 hours a week and of course so did my hours and although we have implemented some things to help there with DHS and FFYA planning etc it will still take time if this is going to be successful but at the same time it just means more for me in the interim.

isaac is still in school part time and unless something is done sooner then later we will pull him out and to me as a mum advocating for the needs of my kids in mainstream school...what a terrible tragedy that will be. the education system has set both steph and isaac up to fail and isaac can't cope with much more and steph is struggling. a recent vineland assessment was done as part of trying to apply for funding for the kids next year but they both sit on the "normal" adaptive scale.....weird hey because this particular assessment is now being question even by DHS as it seems very wrong. i know what a vineland assessment is as our eldest son went through all this only last year but this time round the way it has been administered and dealt with has been very strange indeed....and by someone i have never met nor knows anything about my kids.

it has been hectic and for the most part i am barely managing now so i've been away from my pc and the internet for the past week....not sure if i feel any better for it because i just feel blah but still i am blogging and trying to get back onboard with the emails and FB and trying to stay motivated which seems really hard to do at present.

i did however have a really nice mother's day on the 9th. i got me some new slippers and pj's, 1st and 2nd series of the big bang theory and a bunch of tulips. we didn't celebrate in any special meal or outing, just a day home pottering about the place and you worked, the kids generally don't cope with anything out of the ordinary so tim and i keep it very simple and by doing so everyone manages and manages well and for me that's the perfect gift any mother of special needs kids can ask for.

this week is flat out as usual and at this pace i am concerned i will crash and burn completely but what else can you do....yes it's important to keep yourself healthy and well but man i deal with so much and with very little support that you just have to keep going because you have no choice but to do so....yet it comes at a cost....a very high one because if i crash and burn the family does too and that's not being over dramatic....that's reality.

anyhoo i think that's it for tonight can't say when i'll blog again but hey one can only do what one can do. i just hope that a little bit of "me" time comes along and soon.....and with that i'm signing out for now. take care and ciao xoxo