ho deedum......

life is good! seriously......can you tell just by those first few words i'm being sarcastic? thought so!!! anyhoo life is battling on taking us with it, jumping the hurdles, dodging the darts, crawling over the speed humps and wondering why the good luck (just like the rain) has bypassed us in every direction. can one family have so much bad luck that it just becomes a part of life.....seriously???

nothing really seems to go right for us and although i might sound like a broken record it seems so very true. take our car for starters, we can't afford a new one and all we've had since the day it was purchased for us (yes that's right purchased for us because we didn't buy it) we have had nothing but more trouble with it then it's worth. it has cost us soooo much in $$$$$$ and it's now official that in less then 4 years (the time we have had it for), we have paid out more in parts, labour and repairs then it cost to purchase the thing in the first place. of course the first thing most people ask is can we afford a new one.....simply put no. next question that is asked is can we take it out against the mortgage.....simply put no and simply put once this car dies completely on us we will be walking everywhere as my children (particularly the 3 that have autism) can't cope with public transport nor able to use it without support and help.

what this family needs is a miracle and some much needed good luck to come our way just for once. it would be nice if someone could just say we are able to give you a hand up and get your feet back on the ground sound and firm. it would be nice if i could just yell and scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone how bad things are and someone would just hear and say it's ok chris and just say "we get it". so today and for the past lot of days i haven't traveled so well. in fact it's been like that for a long time and with each difficulty that has come our way, for each bad day, for each person that doesn't get it, for each hellish moment on this earth more layers are added to our already full load. it not only takes its toll on us as a family but it takes its toll on us as individuals already swimming in an ocean of sharks just waiting for that rescue boat to come pick us up that seems so very far away and while we wait for it, we slowly sink.

what am i thankful for? my husband who is still by my side after 24 years, my kids who despite the difficulties they endure daily still make my heart melt and put a smile on my dial, wonderful online friends, my god who is greater then all this and for the opportunity to be able to watch the big bang theory anytime i choose and loving every minute of it because this family can sooooo relate to all of it of course without the nerd/geeky genius scientists these guys characters play so very well in the land of autism/asperger's syndrome with the lack of social skills, the daily routine and structure, friendship struggles oh and the list goes on and on and on....gotta luv it all!!!

what else am i grateful for? the ability to vent via my blog and i'm not apologising for any of it. you know the saying that says if you don't like me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best....put mildly that is so true. so to all you parents and carers of loved ones out there, for all your frustrations with the "systems" that simply don't work, for all the bureaucratic garbage we go through daily I say this post's for you because seriously....i get it and i always have and i always will and with that last note i'm signing off till next time. take care and remember i'm thinking of you and your family and feeling your pain with each step you take complete with struggles, frustrations and pain. hugs and ciao xoxo