oh dear....

i don't really know what to say because my blogging updates are no where near as often as i would like. i have to say it has really been a struggle to feel like i want to do anything....well want to do anything that involves something for myself. all i seem to do is something for everyone else and at the end of every day simply fall into a heap....a little depressed!

i had a few little "thought i could manage" plans for this year....nothing extreme but it seems like any hobby of mine pretty much has come to an end because i simply have no time to do them at the moment and then being pretty exhausted both physically and mentally at the end of the day lack motivation that goes with it.....and i miss it terribly so.

hours increased at righteous pups for lance by 3 hours a week and of course so did my hours and although we have implemented some things to help there with DHS and FFYA planning etc it will still take time if this is going to be successful but at the same time it just means more for me in the interim.

isaac is still in school part time and unless something is done sooner then later we will pull him out and to me as a mum advocating for the needs of my kids in mainstream school...what a terrible tragedy that will be. the education system has set both steph and isaac up to fail and isaac can't cope with much more and steph is struggling. a recent vineland assessment was done as part of trying to apply for funding for the kids next year but they both sit on the "normal" adaptive scale.....weird hey because this particular assessment is now being question even by DHS as it seems very wrong. i know what a vineland assessment is as our eldest son went through all this only last year but this time round the way it has been administered and dealt with has been very strange indeed....and by someone i have never met nor knows anything about my kids.

it has been hectic and for the most part i am barely managing now so i've been away from my pc and the internet for the past week....not sure if i feel any better for it because i just feel blah but still i am blogging and trying to get back onboard with the emails and FB and trying to stay motivated which seems really hard to do at present.

i did however have a really nice mother's day on the 9th. i got me some new slippers and pj's, 1st and 2nd series of the big bang theory and a bunch of tulips. we didn't celebrate in any way...no special meal or outing, just a day home pottering about the place and you know....it worked, the kids generally don't cope with anything out of the ordinary so tim and i keep it very simple and by doing so everyone manages and manages well and for me that's the perfect gift any mother of special needs kids can ask for.

this week is flat out as usual and at this pace i am concerned i will crash and burn completely but what else can you do....yes it's important to keep yourself healthy and well but man i deal with so much and with very little support that you just have to keep going because you have no choice but to do so....yet it comes at a cost....a very high one because if i crash and burn the family does too and that's not being over dramatic....that's reality.

anyhoo i think that's it for tonight can't say when i'll blog again but hey one can only do what one can do. i just hope that a little bit of "me" time comes along and soon.....and with that i'm signing out for now. take care and ciao xoxo