Shabby Miss Jenn

Saturday, 4 June 2011

this is who i am...this is me...

a new blog post and i'm stuck for a title. i have much to say and usually when i title is already there sitting in my head ready to go, typed in that empty space above that says 'title'. tonight is different and i'm sure as i put word to paper something will come to me. ever had one of those weeks? i'm sure many of us can pretty much answer that with a flat out yes. yes for me too! it's been an emotional roller coaster to the extreme for me and what's so frustrating about it is it's kinda all been external. in other words not family orientated what so ever. in fact this week the kids are really good and so is the hub. no child of mine has had a meltdown, no child of mine has hurt themselves, no child of mine needed a trip to the doctor or the hospital, in fact it's been a really good week internally. and then the unexpected happens and impacts on my emotional and mental state that sometimes i even find it hard to fathom.

so yep it's been one of those weeks and honestly and really sucks because it's distracted me from my work that really needs to be done and now and i haven't been able to concentrate on that. it's wasted my head space and caused unrest and you know what...i ask myself the simple question of why? but i take it one question further...why does it keep happening?

there are situations in life where you can look back and say although at the time i'm not sure why god thought i needed to go through that but now i know. there are times that you simply have no answer or understanding of but you trust in god because you know he will get you through no matter what and then there are the times that you just want it to stop so you can move forward, not be used and abused any further and not be walked all so others can feel better about themselves.

i was reminiscing with the hub the other day, going back to my school days (a lot of years ago now) in particular my high school days. every thursday afternoon our year level would have a recreational afternoon. part of our school's 'extra curriculum' activities. most of these activities were things one needed to pay for on a weekly basis....roller skating (as it was known then), ice skating, bowling etc etc and most kids opted for these. and then there were the extra school activities listed that i chose. helping within the community, in the local primary schools teaching young children how to read, in nursing homes visiting the elderly and sick, into peoples homes sitting with them listening, learning, keeping or cleaning their homes, enjoying their company as much as they did mine, taking care of those in need, every week, every month, every term. the school supported this in the same way the school supported the kids going off to roller skate for the afternoon and i felt like i was the more privileged. 

many years later not much has really changed. i'm just a few years older, married for the last 25 years with 4 kids. in all the years since then i've been in the community supporting, helping, caring and assisting others in any way i have been able to. kindergarten committees, school councils and committees, fundraising, safety house association, church ministry and support within, caring, supporting, assisting, learning and loving all that comes with that. a strong advocate for my own families and childrens rights due to their disabilities. a dedicated and passionate person in all that i put my hand to and go forth with and someone who finds happiness, joy, warmth and inspiration from so many wonderful people i have had the privilege of knowing...this is who i am...this is me!!!

this is me...i've just turned 44 years of age. i've been married for close to 25 years (to the wonderful mr.t), i have 4 beautiful children and 3 of them have autism, mental illnesses, my younger 2 asd kids are also visually impaired. hubby is visually impaired...woe is me...NO!!! although some days are difficult, i love my family. i advocate for my asd kids right for a fair and happy life...all with a positive future. over the years my heart has been touched by so many wonderful and inspirational people...many within my own community. i'm dedicated and passionate about so many things. i have wishes and dreams just like the next person. i have talents and abilities just like the next person. i have faith in god that he will get me through every day. i see inspiration in so much around me and bring that in to who i am and what i do. sadly because of who i am - my personality and nature, certain people feel they have the right to walk all over me. sadly over the past few years this has left irreversible damage that only by god's grace and love i manage daily. but...yes there's usually always a but...this has only helped mold me into who i am today and that due to those experiences i can be a help and a support to others who are in or have been in the same situation. no matter what, i love what i do.

this is me...i'm the president of the largest asd support group within the loddon mallee region. i have met some incredibly beautiful people and even for me the support from these guys can get a little overwhelming. i am inspired often by not only individuals on the spectrum but all those incredible people i admire who look after, love and care for someone on the spectrum. respect and admiration for parents and carers living life full of challenges and constant day to day battles. how can you not have a heart. i play piano, i sing, i'm a song writer, i've dabbled in courses...dried flower arranging, beginners folk art, intermediate and advanced classes in folk art, i've sold unique one off pieces of work, i've worked at scrapbooking stores teaching classes, i've always wanted to play the clarinet and actually own one and starting learning. i've sung to audiences, i've played piano for audiences, i've written and played my own music to audiences. i've created wall hangings and quilts both by machine and hand sewn, i've made rag dolls and love art. i'm also passionate about other things...for 12+ years i've been a fairly avid paper scrapbooker. the opportunities to be part of design teams, teach classes, enjoy creating some pretty precious memories and meet wonderful people along the way has been fantastic. i've also been an avid digital scrapbooker working my layouts in photoshop for the past 8 years or so. i love so many wonderful mixed media arts, handmade crafts, hybrid projects. i love photography (but then how could a scrapper not) and all that comes with that creatively. i love photoshop and lightroom. i love my canon dslr and camera gear. i love stationary, boots, my husband, my kids, god and all that's good in this world. oh and mostly i dislike tv, wasting time, doing nothing and being idle.

this is who i am...this is me...

last sunday (29th may) i celebrated my 44th birthday. the hub and kids gave me a velbon 600r tripod and canon remote trigger for my birthday. i was also treated to a wonderful day in maldon just with tim, taking photos (with my new tripod) and lunch at a gorgeous restaurant there. it was sooooo busy down there...unbelievably busy but then it was a beautiful day....overcast but not really cold and there i was right in the middle of that busyness with my brand new tripod and my trusty camera assistant (the hub) taking pics right in the middle of everyone. not only did i manage it and well but conquered that fear i thought i would have. people looked, people spoke, people saw us and it didn't matter. they were cool with it and so was i. anyhoo i've rambled on stacks tonight...but i'm feeling good. 

oh and if you didn't know (and you've got this far) check this out
yep website is no longer a free one...i've gone 'pro', and i'm offering photography packages to families as of now. so for any locals in the area who are thinking of having some photos done pop on over, have a squizz, spread and share the love, like me on my about me page (oh and my facebook page chris turnbull photography) and of course contact me if i can help.

outta here...night, ciao, hugs chris xoxo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Chris, good on you for posting this - and accepting that you are who you are! (That's not easy for any of us, so I'm being serious here.)

Well done for you too for having fun with your photography - and conquering your fear!

Caity (from fb "I love someone on the sepctrum" group)