happy 18th birthday lance!

wow can you believe today lance turns 18 and as i look back over the past 18 years of where we've been, the journey we have have traveled thus far and how we've managed to get to this incredible milestone here today my mind boggles at all we have come through and i am so very grateful that God has been gracious with us. come with me as i reminisce just a little over the past 18 years but i'll go back just a little further so you kinda get the picture a little clearer.....lol

tim and i were married on the 6th of september 1986 and this year marked our 23rd wedding anniversary. we were married for 4 years and wanted to start a family yet in 1990 about a year before lance was born tim and i were given some terrible news which was heartbreaking. without going into too many details because i certainly don't want to bore you to tears, i was told by my specialist that the damage and the scarring left behind from the severe endometriosis i was dealing with would pretty much leave us childless and i was told that i would not be able to have children. the specialist also informed me that even if i was too fall pregnant i would not be able to carry full term and i would lose the baby early....not the best of news to hear. now i do believe in God and i do believe in the power of prayer so that's what tim and i did....prayed for children but we also came to a harsh reality that if it were not to be then that was that. 8 weeks later i was given the good news that tim and i were expecting our first child and we were ecstatic.

it wasn't the easiest of pregnancies with 3 threaten miscarriages, many days in bed, trips to the doctor to make sure the baby was still alive and eventually having to resign my job but we got through it and on the 14th of september 1991 i went into labour. off to hospital as the contractions became more intense and closer and as things progressed there normally for a period of time it soon became apparent that things were not going so well in fact things would become complicated and i would have a fight on my hands trying to stay alive. somewhere in amongst the absolute agony that no drug was able to handle they realised that lance was positioned badly and it was causing stress. i recall quite clearly my near death experience while in labour, i recall when i stopped breathing and my body was completely paralysed, unable to move, my eyes unable to open, my voice unable to scream out, i knew that something was seriously wrong and this was it....i would have to fight to save myself and my unborn child because although i could hear everyone including tim panicking and asking for help i was not able to respond to any of it and i was slipping deeper and deeper into darkness and all i could do was call out to God to save me. that he did because then i saw a light in amongst all that darkness and i knew that although I was heading further into it i needed to move towards the light and come out of this alive.

i remember quite clearly as if it were just yesterday breathing again and being whisked off to another room where they could prepare me for an epidural and the birth of my child with more care. lance had still not turned and when the epidural was given and didn't work but paralysed the right leg instead of the lower half of my already exhausted body i knew we were still in for the fight because I was still in agony and as much as tim and i kept asking for a cesarean they kept saying they were doing everything they could. i must have lost consciousness somewhere along the line after that and coming to i recall them saying the baby had finally turned and just in time so it was now time to deliver. lance was born at 7.52 am that morning and although all his apgar scores were fine etc etc i knew something was wrong, i hadn't heard him cry yet nor would we for hours and when i asked why it all i got told was it was all the drugs in our system that had doped him up....but still i knew, i knew something was not quite right.

we watched lance grow, develop and reach his 1st year milestones incredibly early and I began to wonder if indeed there was any possibility that we may have a "gifted child" here. then that nagging feeling from his birth hit us big time because we started seeing some odd behaviours in lance and it all started with those few words he knew so well and seemed to understand the meaning of. then all over a sudden he wasn't able to say them and he seem to get "lost in translation" when he tried to talk and then the frustrations started as his speech progressively got worse and it appeared he was not able to process and understand pretty much anything anyone said as speech became more and more confusing. his tantrums and self harming started as well and by 2 we knew something wasn't right but because this was our firs child and I did not want to be labeled with "it's just the 2 year old phase" tim and i spoke to no-one about our concerns and by the time lance was 3 and things became extreme we knew it was time to see the doctor and express our concerns about lance. he in turn referred us to lance's paediatrician and after some time he referred us to early intervention who suggested that lance may possibly be autistic and because of his speech difficulties he would need to see a speechy. 2 years of speech and the speechy saying that his brain processes things back to front and wasn't normal, 2 years of early intervention and then closing the file saying everything was fine now that he was in school, became 15 more years of hell and misdiagnosis and trying to find out what was so different about our son because something was indeed not right.

lance late last year was finally diagnosed with autism. he has a severe speech, language and communication delay, learning difficulties, low average IQ, is unable to "adapt" well if at all, depression, severe anxieties, doesn't process much and then of course we look at all the symptoms that make for a diagnosis of autism which not only includes all of the above but many more i.e - sensory/tactile difficulties, taps constantly, monotone voice/tone, is very literal, is unable to read facial expression and understand them - both his and everyone else's, mimic's, mirror images people, makes up his own idiosyncrasies, has meltdowns, struggles severely because he can't make sense of the world that we live in, self harms and the list just goes on and on...oh and did I mention needs 24/7 care and support.

although the journey has not been an easy one with it's high and lows, it's negatives and positives, the intense daily struggles we deal with everyday........today is a huge milestone because things could have been very different and without God's intervention, lance and i would not be here that i am certain of. if you have managed to read this far i hope you have taken something from my "memoirs" and i thank you for allowing me to share a little glimpse in to the world our family lives in.....the world of autism and even though there are daily struggles and there is so much to deal with, every morning my son wakes up is a miracle and one I am forever grateful for, every morning he comes in from his unit and i greet him with 'goodmorning lanciepoos" and he smiles his most gorgeous smile i know it will be alright!

so to my gorgeous boy who seemed to grow up so quickly and is now 18, happy 18th birthday lance, i wish you the very best of happiness and peace, i pray for easier times and things to become more stable in your life no matter how much help and support is needed, i pray for people to accept you for who you are, not for someone you are not nor can be and i am thankful that God saw us as worthy parents, to allow you to be born into this family so we could love you with every ounce of ourselves and all that is possibly human and even then so much more. we love you so much!!! xoxo

in need of awesome photo actions?

if so then head on over to my four hens photography by sarah cornish! as well as being one incredibly talented photographer her photo actions are simply brilliant and amazing. i have only purchased a small handful of her actions just for starters (hubby would probably shoot me if I got them all in one hit...lol) but she has tons of amazing actions on her site and if you're a little unsure then download her freebies and test them out.

ok so what ya waiting for go check them out...go on off ya go! hugs chris xoxo

time to reflect!!!

it's friday, i'm sitting here at my pc filling in time while i wait for another load of washing to finish it's cycle, reflecting on the week we've had and wondering will it ever be any different? this week has been a particularly turbulent time for tim and i and although i won't go into detail, i will just say that life can really deal you some pretty hard knocks from time to time even on top of everything else we already deal with. however i will also mention that although the hard knocks may come, thick and fast, i will not let them get the better of me anymore, even after hitting the ground i will get back up again, i will stand tall, i will stand strong because i know God will be there right next to me holding me up and not allowing me to utterly and completely fall. although a difficult week, sleepless nights, worries and fears not just for myself but for those of my children who are hurting deeply at present, it has given me an opportunity to pause, stop and reflect on past things, the here and now and the immediate future for not only myself but that of my family.

love is an incredible thing, for some it does not come so easily, for others it is painful and for most of us it means so much more then words can express. when it comes to our children we are the lioness who will do what it takes, who will go to the ends of the earth to do what is necessary in order to protect our cubs, whatever it takes to keep them safe and out of harms way till they are ready and able to fend for themselves and even then we will be there for them, to step back as we need to and to step in as we should.

for me these past few days have been a time of reflection, a time to pause and revisit events in my life, some good, some bad and some that are incredibly painful in order to move forward and make progress not just for me but for my daughter stephanie who is going through an incredibly rough time at present and although it completely breaks my heart to see her in so much pain, i trust in God that he will bring us through this and we will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

until next bloggin' i hope you all have a great weekend and tell those you love how much they mean to you. take care and stay safe, hugs chris xoxo

latest layout

my goodness i am on a roll with the scrapping....lol and it feels good. how long it last's well that's the million dollar question now hey?! but still while i can i will. anyhoo i best write up the credits for this LO and here they are.

me

credits:
sweet song - jofia devoe
old frame - weathered frames - catherine designs
"me" - acrylic stickers 3 with glitter - emily powers
super fun happy and boutwell magic glasses photo actions - totally rad
font - monotype corsiva.

today was a very productive day in the sense that it is a saturday but the weather was beautiful.....ahhhh spring is in the air.....and that always helps the mojo. managed some laundry, a chicken and leek pie, slow cooked casserole for tomorrow nights tea, girls cooked 2 batches of scones made with cream and lemonade with just a little supervising from me, grace made some yogurt and icecream and i also cleaned up under the gazebo we have out near the back door. seating and redecorating, fertilising the plants, sweeping etc etc and now it is fit for warm days and evenings, bbq's and quiet times.

ok so that's all for tonight so wherever you are and whatever you do....have a great weekend and until next bloggin'...take care and stay safe, hugs chris xoxo

it's a miracle.......

....i've finally scrapped a LO and it's finished....lol wanna see? silly question hey? of course ya do!!!

pier

credits:
papers, stitches, frame, button and alpha brackets - soft breeze
border, leaf spray and bling - bumble bee breeze
twill pinch ribbon, pin and butterfly - a little wild
all the above - designs by anita @ pickleberrypop.com
"pier" - high shine chrome alpha - chantilly lace
fonts - pristina and monotype corsiva

journaling reads:
part of the ceiling on the old queenscliff pier down by the coast. i love this beautiful old historic building with it's simple yet stylish trimmings. certainly a favourite destination of mine when visiting the beach.

so it's been awhile since i last blogged and i do apologise to my followers for that but many of you know that it's pretty hectic here these days and i just don't have time to fit everything in anymore no matter how hard i try there are simply not enough hours in my day to do it all.

there is so much i wish to blog about and let you all know but for now i am going to leave it simple and just show off my latest LO. besides there is always tomorrow....and the next day...and the next....lol and i am hoping that if i can at least blog a little every couple of days then that will keep my blog fresh and my followers more interested.

till next time take care and stay safe...hugs chris xoxo